LOVING THE WRONG PERSON IS SUICIDE Part One

 

loving the wrong person is suicide. you’re literally killing yourself for a love life that doesn’t even exist. you’re literally killing yourself for someone who is incapable of loving you correctly. in this very moment as you read these fucking words, you are dying. you are dying to live a life that is filled with the type of love that your partner refuses to give you. the type of love that they’ll never provide because they’re comfortable with mistreating you and you’ve grown comfortable with allowing them to destroy whatever life you have left. you’re so fucking unhappy and instead of being happy, you pretend to be happy with someone who cares nothing about your happiness.

it seems as if i’m the only who cares now because it’s become obvious that you no longer give a fuck about your insanity because you continue to hold on to someone who is killing your peace of mind. you’ve decided to continue the pursuit of a person who would rather drive you mad than to protect your mind and heart. stress is a silent killer and you are slowly dying with every moment you waste on a relationship that feels more like your own personal hell. you’re slowing dying while reading this. each fucking word, each letter, you’re starting to accept it, wait…you’ve probably already realized that the one you love will not fight for you but you’ve made the decision to stay and what’s fucked up is that you’ll probably stay a bit longer even after reading this. you’re so full of shit because they fill you up with so much empty emotional b.s. about feeling things that they’ll never feel. making promises without any follow through. you’re so fucking tired that instead of fighting to let go, you fight to hold on and when you’re so close to walking away, they claim to be sorry, they claim to love you and even though you know they’re full of shit, you take them back because somewhere along the way you stopped believing in yourself, you stopped loving yourself. your self esteem has taken a hit due to your refusal to walk away from the very person who refuses to take care of you. the wrong relationship is suicide, stop killing yourself. life is too short.

YOU’RE NOT CRAZY, YOU’RE NOT INSECURE

listen closely or read closely. pay attention to every word that is written here as i speak to those gut feelings you’ve been having lately. you’re not crazy, you’re not paranoid, you’re not insecure. it’s not you and i’m not just saying this to make you feel better. i’m not trying to be bias or mind your feelings so much that i would tell you a lie. i want to be honest with you, can i be completely honest with you. i mean full honesty without the filter. an ugly sort of honesty that’ll probably open your eyes to the truth that is happening within your relationship. a truth that often goes ignored as you continue to pay more attention to the lies that sound so fucking believable because they’re coming from the person who claims to care about you.

i swear to you that this is credible because i am the source. i may tell you things that you already know or maybe i may share something that shocks you or gives you that aha moment. maybe you’ll get some clarity or a bit of peace but either way, you may learn something and that’s the goal in terms of anything i share here via the Internet or medium.

trust your gut, trust your ability to see behind the curtain of anything sold to you as truth. trust your ability to see what others may choose to ignore. trust your ability to discern certain things about your mate and the true status of your relationship. understand that there is a reason as to why you may be feeling some of the things that you do. again, you’re not crazy but they’ll make you feel crazy. they’ll attempt to make you feel like a fool. they’ll use this opportunity to make you feel insecure because that’s they’re best line of defense and with that, you’ll probably feel so bad that you begin to stop asking questions. knowing damn well, you know that something just isn’t right. trust that pit in your stomach, the uneasiness you feel whenever they’re not around. trust the question that sits in your soul and consumes your mind. ask questions, don’t settle for half truths. see for yourself, stop closing your eyes to a truth that may possibly hurt you in the end. sometimes pain is the beginning of feeling something better with someone better but you’ll never know or understand until you go through it then get through it.

your mate should never get offended by your desire to know the truth or to feel secure. your mate becoming offended by your desire to know more in detail about certain things is a red flag. it’s always alarming to be in a relationship with someone who welcomes a question with instantly being defensive or becoming upset. if it’s nothing as they claim, then they wouldn’t react in that way. pay attention, open your eyes. there is truth in the actions of man.

the first thing a liar will do is find ways to turn the situation back on you. using your desire to feel secure as an a chance to force you to self reflect as if you are the initial problem when you aren’t and once that takes place. you begin to feel like you’ve done something wrong. you begin to feel guilty even when you’re innocent of wrong doing. pay attention. don’t let up, ask questions. be aware, fight for the security within your relationship but in all honesty, if you’re relationship is something that robs you of your peace of mind then it’s not even worth it…hear me, understand this, take it in.

DON’T GO BACK TO AN EX

it’ll happen. you’ll either entertain, invest or fall for someone who made you feel as if they were the one. it happens often. you meet a person, you get to know them, feelings begin surge throughout your heart and you start to imagine a future with that person. it happens to the best of us. things begin to change, that feeling of security begins to fade. as that relationship goes on, you find yourself fighting to stay afloat on a boat that is slowly sinking. you plug those holes with denial. you plug those holes with lies. telling yourself it’s okay, you make excuses for the way that person treats you. you start to lose yourself because you’re more concerned with keeping a person that appears to no longer care about keeping you. it happened to you before, possibly once, more likely twice. you give your all and yet that person makes you feel like your all isn’t enough. you fight again, you fight some more until you realize that you’re the only one fighting.

you stay because of time invested. you stay because of the energy you’ve given. you stay because you hold on to their potential to be the person they promise to be every time they apologize in effort to manipulate you into thinking that they can be everything that you deserve. you want all of these things. you want love, you want security, you want passion, you want them to be considerate of their treatment towards you and yet you get to a point where you figure out that you’ve been looking for all the right things in the wrong person. yes, there are good times, good memories, a few here and there but all you can think about is how hurt you’ve been feeling. all you can think about is how often they hurt you as you sit, waiting for them to fuck up once more. that’s no way to live, you’re literally dying, buried alive in a tomb that has become your relationship.

it ends, it’s over. you finally build up enough courage to walk away and or sometimes the person you’re holding on to decides to walk away from you to find someone else to use and even so, it’s done in a way that causes you to question your own self worth. it’s a terrible thing you see. to feel like you’re no longer good enough for the person who pretended that you were everything just the other day but only in attempt to get what they wanted from you but still lives this pain inside of you that makes you feel like you’ll never be good enough.

my ex did that to me. they hurt me, they used me, that person broke me down in ways that you’d never believe. i lost my self worth trying to find hope in this idea that we’d somehow work it out. i lost my self esteem trying to care for someone who never cared for me. i found love later, i found someone who understood and cared for me. i found someone loyal, honest and true. i found my soulmate. i found the one because i was willing to let go of the one who chose to hurt me.

when you go back to someone who mistreated you, you’re cheating yourself out of an opportunity to be with someone who will always consider your feelings. if i would have gone back to my ex, i would have never found the love i deserved and i wouldn’t be writing this engaged, looking to a future where a healthy marrriage is now possible. do not go back to the things that no longer deserve your emotional energy. exes are sometimes a major distraction from the things which we truly deserve in life.

please, don’t go back…