it’ll happen. you’ll either entertain, invest or fall for someone who made you feel as if they were the one. it happens often. you meet a person, you get to know them, feelings begin surge throughout your heart and you start to imagine a future with that person. it happens to the best of us. things begin to change, that feeling of security begins to fade. as that relationship goes on, you find yourself fighting to stay afloat on a boat that is slowly sinking. you plug those holes with denial. you plug those holes with lies. telling yourself it’s okay, you make excuses for the way that person treats you. you start to lose yourself because you’re more concerned with keeping a person that appears to no longer care about keeping you. it happened to you before, possibly once, more likely twice. you give your all and yet that person makes you feel like your all isn’t enough. you fight again, you fight some more until you realize that you’re the only one fighting.
you stay because of time invested. you stay because of the energy you’ve given. you stay because you hold on to their potential to be the person they promise to be every time they apologize in effort to manipulate you into thinking that they can be everything that you deserve. you want all of these things. you want love, you want security, you want passion, you want them to be considerate of their treatment towards you and yet you get to a point where you figure out that you’ve been looking for all the right things in the wrong person. yes, there are good times, good memories, a few here and there but all you can think about is how hurt you’ve been feeling. all you can think about is how often they hurt you as you sit, waiting for them to fuck up once more. that’s no way to live, you’re literally dying, buried alive in a tomb that has become your relationship.
it ends, it’s over. you finally build up enough courage to walk away and or sometimes the person you’re holding on to decides to walk away from you to find someone else to use and even so, it’s done in a way that causes you to question your own self worth. it’s a terrible thing you see. to feel like you’re no longer good enough for the person who pretended that you were everything just the other day but only in attempt to get what they wanted from you but still lives this pain inside of you that makes you feel like you’ll never be good enough.
my ex did that to me. they hurt me, they used me, that person broke me down in ways that you’d never believe. i lost my self worth trying to find hope in this idea that we’d somehow work it out. i lost my self esteem trying to care for someone who never cared for me. i found love later, i found someone who understood and cared for me. i found someone loyal, honest and true. i found my soulmate. i found the one because i was willing to let go of the one who chose to hurt me.
when you go back to someone who mistreated you, you’re cheating yourself out of an opportunity to be with someone who will always consider your feelings. if i would have gone back to my ex, i would have never found the love i deserved and i wouldn’t be writing this engaged, looking to a future where a healthy marrriage is now possible. do not go back to the things that no longer deserve your emotional energy. exes are sometimes a major distraction from the things which we truly deserve in life.
please, don’t go back…